Let’s face the music and dance fight back

Posted by on Nov 22, 2010 in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

It’s not often that Torquay could be said to lead the way – but in one small but significant respect their supporters have proven to be ahead of the pack. How so? By setting to one side their fears about losing star man Elliot Benyon in the new year to stick the knife into the Fratellis’ ‘Chelsea Dagger’ and thereby kickstart the fans’ fightback against that abomination of the modern Football League game, the post-goal song.

Perversely enough, the seed of the idea of introducing a celebratory song was planted in the minds of the club hierarchy at a fans’ forum. It was then trialled at the recent home game with Barnet – to the general disgruntlement and disgust of supporters, who inundated the club with complaints that, in terms of improving the atmosphere, it had been about as successful as a fart in a lift. Fan power prevailed, with the official website announcing the decision “to suspend the playing of any music during the match for the time being.

However, the club statement continues: “We are keen to try out many different options to make the matchday experience at Plainmoor as enjoyable as possible“. Why does the belief persist that peripheral guff like this somehow enhances the “matchday experience“, rather than detracting from it by masking the actual roar of the crowd and giving the impression that the powers-that-be are distrustful of their own fans’ willingness to be sufficiently vocal in their celebrations? Such songs – almost invariably ‘Chelsea Dagger’ or Blur’s ‘Song 2’ – are boorish triumphalist nonsense with no connection to the club concerned, and indicative of a creeping Americanisation of the beautiful game. What we want is obvious enough, surely – entertaining football at a reasonable price, not a ten-year-old’s party at Tim Lovejoy’s house.

So let us heed the Gulls fans’ call to arms and rise up to rid the Football League of this scourge – whether by vehement opposition or, in the case of royalgull on a Torquay message board, withering irony:

I’d like to see a lot more of this:

Goals for – ‘Happiness’ by Ken Dodd.
Goals against – It’s a Shame’ by The Spinners.
Corners for – ‘Get Ready for This’ by 2Unlimited.
Corners against – ‘There May Be Trouble Ahead’ [‘Let’s Face The Music And Dance’ by Diana Krall]
Last ten minutes hanging on, randomly the music should start again with ‘The Heat Is On’ [Huey Lewis & The News].
If it’s buzzing then I think ‘Atmosphere’ by Russ Abbott should be played constantly throughout.

I also think everyone should be given jester hats and foam hands on the way in, that would be cool, then we could all join in ‘Gladiators’-style with ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ at the end of the game after a win. If we lose then it can all be foam hands down while we join in with ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’…

Ben is a long-suffering Newcastle Utd supporter (is there any other kind?) who co-founded and co-wrote Black & White & Read All Over, a blog that, over the course of a decade, chronicled the ups, downs, chaos and calamity of the club he has the misfortune to follow. Since the blog hung up its boots in May 2014 (note: not as a mark of respect for Shola Ameobi leaving St James’ Park), he has contented himself with sporadic, splenetic Twitter outbursts and shamefully rare contributions to The Two Unfortunates. He is currently haunted by visions of Joe Kinnear returning to the club for a third spell and pondering whether he’ll live to see another victory over the Mackems, but at least has a cardboard coathanger with Robert Lee’s head on it for consolation.


  1. Lanterne Rouge
    November 23, 2010

    Generally, music to herald the scoring of a goal is objectionable indeed, but I rather like the idea of Russ Abbott's Atmosphere blaring out from tannoys across the nation. At Mk Dons, the slightly less jaunty song of the same name by Joy Division might be more appropriate.

  2. Ben
    November 24, 2010

    Either that or 'Dead Souls'…


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